Survival After Bacon

Maybe it is because bacon is just so delicious, or maybe it is because Jim Gaffigan tells so many hilarious jokes about bacon, but when the news came out that “eating bacon is as bad as smoking,” I needed to find a way to deal with this painful information. You know the old blues singers sang their songs for survival. And in the same way, I needed an artistic outlet to deal with this devastating blow. I needed a song to help me “survive after bacon.” So here it is, the Goodbye Bacon Blues.

With apologies to all my pig farming and hog farming friends, I wrote this song, a blues song about bacon.

Today I read the news.
They say that bacon is bad for you.
For effect, it’s like a cigarette.
If you eat a lot, you’ll be full of regret
Goodbye bacon, (I’m) gonna miss you
(I’ve) got the goodbye bacon blues.

These hot dogs are processed food
Eat gobs and your stomach is screwed.
Deli slice, sausage take your pick.
These funky munchies are carcinogenic
Goodbye bacon, I’m going to miss you
Got the goodbye bacon blues.

My name is Joe Blow
And I’m a baconoholic.
“Hi Joe.” “Hey, Joe.” “How ya doing, Joe?”
I got this problem, this daily problem, eating bacon.
I just can’t cover it. I just can’t do it alone.
“It’s okay. We got you.” “We got your back.”
Thank you all. I really need your help.
Because you know just I got
The serious case of these
Goodbye bacon blues

(I’ve) been nuts for bacon all my days.
The people have heard me sing its praise.
I know that bacon’s not plutonium
But pigging it daily is kind of dumb
Goodbye bacon, I’m going to miss you
Got the goodbye bacon blues.

If you want to learn more about health and bacon, please read “Goodbye Bacon?” at